UNCC Confessions Page has driven me to this lil rant….

I’m so tired of all these females posting about how unappreciated they feel. Fucking do something about it then. The reason why you feel that way is because you’re too busy bitching and posting on social media instead of growing a backbone and doing something about it. Damn.

PS bitching about your boyfriend playing video games is equally as annoying. Stop being a stereotypical needy ass whiny female and try playing for once. They’re actually really enjoyable and would probably help your relationship. Did you ever stop to think that the problem isn’t them, it’s you? Stop looking for something to complain about and acknowledge all that there is to appreciate and enjoy!

Reacher or a settler…..

I never quite grasped this concept. Just for the fact that I always strive to do better. Therefore, wouldn’t one always be considered a settler? Because you stop trying and just stick with what you’ve got. I suppose that’s where love comes in. Although there is not set definition of love, no way to know if you’re in it or not. There’s no test you take, no machine you can use. You just know. Or do you? Or is love just an idea that everyone is obsessed with and trying to achieve by blinding themselves with the idea and not the actual feeling. Maybe the problem is just that the mind is so complex that we over analyze everything. We strive for knowledge. Infinite knowledge is impossible, but maybe that’s a good thing.

I can’t feel my arm anymore and she’s snoring. This dog thinks she’s a person.

I can’t feel my arm anymore and she’s snoring. This dog thinks she’s a person.

In 2013 I…..

  • Went to a Justin Bieber concert
  • Slept with only one person
  • Turned 20
  • Became a trainer at work
  • Tried working at a different restaurant
  • Quit that restaurant
  • Moved into our first house
  • Gained another nephew
  • Saw the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20 
  • Found out my stepmom had cancer
  • Found out the doctors were wrong and she doesn’t have cancer
  • Lost a friend to suicide
  • Almost lost another friend to suicide
  • Gained a stepfather
  • Got into some intense fights with my mom
  • Got along great with my mom
  • Went to Philly for the first time
  • Experienced my first music festival (Beyonce, Wiz Kahlifa, 2 Chainz, Nero, Feed me, Deadmau5, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Imagine Dragons and more)
  • Reconnected with some old friends
  • Did some really stupid stuff
  • Did some brilliant stuff
  • Passed both semesters
  • Found a LOT of new TV show favorites
  • Got my own phone and phone plan
  • Finally joined team iPhone!!
  • Got hit by a deer while driving my boyfriend’s car
  • Spent $50 in one trip on air fresheners
  • Got sick twice…maybe three times
  • Successfully made lumpia and adobo for the first time
  • Got my own Christmas tree this year
  • Worked on Christmas for the first time
  • Stood up to my boss for not just me, but everyone….went well and we’re actually communicated a lot better/more
  • Went to Key West for the first time…..drove there
  • Watched my boyfriend’s brother get married
  • Met his amazing new family
  • Had a LOT of family bonding time towards the holidays
  • Threatened to quit if I didn’t get sent home because I had the flu, was throwing up in the bathroom, and still had to serve food to people
  • Worked my first promo with a different bar/restaurant
  • Lost our family bird to old age
  • Went to watch my boyfriend’s sister graduate high school
  • Cooked more at home
  • Cut back on spending
  • Did not leave the country
  • Smoked a cigar for the first time (last new years after the ball dropped)
  • Went to Chima Brazilian Steakhouse for the first time (about $70 per person)
  • Reevaluated my life and self worth
  • Had some definite ups and downs
  • Maintained a healthy relationship
  • Started yoga
  • Tried some things I will NEVER do again
  • And threw my first house party…..well, throwing…tonight. I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

2013 was a year full of highs and lows, but overall was a good year.  It helped me grow up a lot. Hoping 2014 will be just a little bit better.

Happy New Years Guys.

Feeling depressed? Read this….

So this past year, one of my friends committed suicide. I also just recently found out that a really good friend of mine failed at doing so. After trying to myself and failing a few years ago, and after those two experiences, I decided to post my advice to my friend that luckily failed. Suicide is selfish. Yes, you may be hurting and you may feel like people don’t care, but seriously take the time to think about your significant other, your family, your friends, etc. In your mind, suicide may be solving all of your problems, but it will cause more pain to the ones around you. Hopefully this little bit of advice helps anyone who feels a little down…..enjoy


You’re an awesome person and the world needs you. Life is precious, and whether you believe it or not, you are too. Don’t try to end it so quickly. What works for me is wondering “what if”. I always ask myself like what if stuff will get better, what will happen in 6 months, what if I have kids, and stuff like that. What keeps me going is just wondering what’s supposed to happen to me and in my life. I’m too curious to not find out. You’ll find what keeps you going too. Hopefully this helps.

XO

My own worst enemy?

Today is the first day in months that suicide or self harm has even crossed my mind. Now people who know me must be questioning this because I appear happy to everyone. Heck. I am extremely happy with my life. 2 story house, a job (though I want a better one), family, and a man that loves me. If those aren’t reasons to be happy, then i don’t know what is.
Things have been going great. Spending more time with family, reconnecting with friends, moving forward with life, yet every now and then, I feel more alone than ever. Maybe it’s time to go back to therapy, or maybe it’s time to get back on the meds. I wish I could talk to him or anyone about it, but I just don’t think they’d understand. I think they would take it the wrong way. In the past, my significant others would always question what THEY were doing wrong or why THEY couldn’t make me happy. They never once questioned what I was doing wrong and why I couldn’t be happy with MYSELF. While I realize that’s in the past and things might be different, I can’t help but be scared to speak out. I try to leave the past behind and move forward, but it always seems to find it’s way back to me. For those reading, that wasn’t a metaphor for anyone in particular. It was a reference to me. My thoughts. My innermost feelings towards myself and my life. The negativity is all a one sided thing. I created it, yet I fail to find a way to completely destroy it. I am perfectly capable of putting it on standby, until of course those restraints break lose and negativity floods my mind, my soul. I’m starting to think that I have no enemies. The only enemy is me. My next question then, is why. Why am I out to get myself? Why am I out seeking destruction? Why does it only happen when I am completely content and happy with life? Why am I holding myself back?
Until I find the answer, I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% happy with myself. I’m always thinking people are against me, holding me back, but I’m the only one doing so. I am capable of whatever I dream, seek, want, but yet i am the one holding me back. I am the one who lacks faith in myself when everyone around me believes, sees, knows what I am capable of.
My only wish in life is to stop attacking myself. I just can’t seem to figure out where to start. Maybe I’ll give myself a little push and try to talk to someone close…..I’ll let you know how it goes, eventually.

XO

gloomist:

nedhepburn:

This one time I painted a living room with a girl.
This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.
But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.
Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail.
That’s what love is. Attention to detail.
And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate eachother at the end. And you might walk away from eachother one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes.
But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date.She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady.She’ll remember the time you stayed up all night that first time. She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.
But everything ends. And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:
One day, probably a while longer from now, when old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile. Everything you ever did together, every second, every moment, every beat, every morning spent in bed, every evening spent together on the sofa, all of that - gone. Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin. She won’t remember your name. She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile. She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction. But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain. There is no more. There is nothing else. There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile.
And you know what? That’s all that really matters in the end.

this is truly sensational

Stole this and it’s definitely worth it. Reading this made me appreciate everything my man has done for me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

gloomist:

nedhepburn:

This one time I painted a living room with a girl.

This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.

But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail.

That’s what love is. Attention to detail.

And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate eachother at the end. And you might walk away from eachother one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes.

But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date.
She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady.
She’ll remember the time you stayed up all night that first time.
She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.

But everything ends. And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:

One day, probably a while longer from now, when old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile. Everything you ever did together, every second, every moment, every beat, every morning spent in bed, every evening spent together on the sofa, all of that - gone. Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin. She won’t remember your name. She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile. She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction. But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain. There is no more. There is nothing else. There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile.

And you know what? That’s all that really matters in the end.

this is truly sensational

Stole this and it’s definitely worth it. Reading this made me appreciate everything my man has done for me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

You, Madam, FAIL at coping….you’re only making it worse….

I wanted to post this on FB, but it’s so obvious who it’s about, I just couldn’t be that mean. Call me a two-faced bitch or heartless, but I just need to get this out.

whenever something bad happens, people have many different ways to cope. so i understand coping, but when you’re constantly posting about how happy you are, how awesome everything is, and how life has never been better, clearly you’re overdoing it and people can tell that underneath off of that happiness, is a vessel full of emptiness. i’ve been there plenty of times. there’s better ways to deal with tragic situations than to avoid the problem all together and try to camouflage it with false happiness.