My life should be on TV.
I never quite grasped this concept. Just for the fact that I always strive to do better. Therefore, wouldn’t one always be considered a settler? Because you stop trying and just stick with what you’ve got. I suppose that’s where love comes in. Although there is not set definition of love, no way to know if you’re in it or not. There’s no test you take, no machine you can use. You just know. Or do you? Or is love just an idea that everyone is obsessed with and trying to achieve by blinding themselves with the idea and not the actual feeling. Maybe the problem is just that the mind is so complex that we over analyze everything. We strive for knowledge. Infinite knowledge is impossible, but maybe that’s a good thing.
2013 was a year full of highs and lows, but overall was a good year. It helped me grow up a lot. Hoping 2014 will be just a little bit better.
Happy New Years Guys.
So this past year, one of my friends committed suicide. I also just recently found out that a really good friend of mine failed at doing so. After trying to myself and failing a few years ago, and after those two experiences, I decided to post my advice to my friend that luckily failed. Suicide is selfish. Yes, you may be hurting and you may feel like people don’t care, but seriously take the time to think about your significant other, your family, your friends, etc. In your mind, suicide may be solving all of your problems, but it will cause more pain to the ones around you. Hopefully this little bit of advice helps anyone who feels a little down…..enjoy
You’re an awesome person and the world needs you. Life is precious, and whether you believe it or not, you are too. Don’t try to end it so quickly. What works for me is wondering “what if”. I always ask myself like what if stuff will get better, what will happen in 6 months, what if I have kids, and stuff like that. What keeps me going is just wondering what’s supposed to happen to me and in my life. I’m too curious to not find out. You’ll find what keeps you going too. Hopefully this helps.
Today is the first day in months that suicide or self harm has even crossed my mind. Now people who know me must be questioning this because I appear happy to everyone. Heck. I am extremely happy with my life. 2 story house, a job (though I want a better one), family, and a man that loves me. If those aren’t reasons to be happy, then i don’t know what is.
Things have been going great. Spending more time with family, reconnecting with friends, moving forward with life, yet every now and then, I feel more alone than ever. Maybe it’s time to go back to therapy, or maybe it’s time to get back on the meds. I wish I could talk to him or anyone about it, but I just don’t think they’d understand. I think they would take it the wrong way. In the past, my significant others would always question what THEY were doing wrong or why THEY couldn’t make me happy. They never once questioned what I was doing wrong and why I couldn’t be happy with MYSELF. While I realize that’s in the past and things might be different, I can’t help but be scared to speak out. I try to leave the past behind and move forward, but it always seems to find it’s way back to me. For those reading, that wasn’t a metaphor for anyone in particular. It was a reference to me. My thoughts. My innermost feelings towards myself and my life. The negativity is all a one sided thing. I created it, yet I fail to find a way to completely destroy it. I am perfectly capable of putting it on standby, until of course those restraints break lose and negativity floods my mind, my soul. I’m starting to think that I have no enemies. The only enemy is me. My next question then, is why. Why am I out to get myself? Why am I out seeking destruction? Why does it only happen when I am completely content and happy with life? Why am I holding myself back?
Until I find the answer, I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% happy with myself. I’m always thinking people are against me, holding me back, but I’m the only one doing so. I am capable of whatever I dream, seek, want, but yet i am the one holding me back. I am the one who lacks faith in myself when everyone around me believes, sees, knows what I am capable of.
My only wish in life is to stop attacking myself. I just can’t seem to figure out where to start. Maybe I’ll give myself a little push and try to talk to someone close…..I’ll let you know how it goes, eventually.
I wanted to post this on FB, but it’s so obvious who it’s about, I just couldn’t be that mean. Call me a two-faced bitch or heartless, but I just need to get this out.
whenever something bad happens, people have many different ways to cope. so i understand coping, but when you’re constantly posting about how happy you are, how awesome everything is, and how life has never been better, clearly you’re overdoing it and people can tell that underneath off of that happiness, is a vessel full of emptiness. i’ve been there plenty of times. there’s better ways to deal with tragic situations than to avoid the problem all together and try to camouflage it with false happiness.
What up Tumblr?!? It’s been a while since I’ve posted in you. I guess that’s because I’ve been busy trying to get my life back on track and get everything figured out. I swear, I have found the greatest guy. Yes, I do realize that I’ve gone through about 3 guys while having this Tumblr, but it’s all been a learning experience. I’ve never felt so…comfortable, complete, and just normal before. Oh, and happy. I feel genuinely happy. I’ve never had a relationship go so smoothly, and I’m loving the way things are looking.
I promise to not neglect you as much Tumblr.
Until next time! <3